I'm sure other moms and dads have experienced this too. That moment when someone close to you (a parent, grandmother, sibling, etc) shares news about his or her daunting health. Even if it is something you can "prepare" for like cancer or another debilitating disease, it does not make this feeling any easier.
The feeling I am talking about is when you hear saddening news and it breaks your heart....but not necessarily for you. It breaks your heart for your kids. Moments your children will not get to share with this person because this said person's days are numbered. Knowing that your children are so young that they probably won't remember this beautiful human being that was such a huge part of their life.
Of course I think of how sad it is for me to lose these people that I love so much too. But it is gut-wrenching sadness that overwhelms me when I think of my kids not growing up with these people that mean so much in their lives.
It is in these moments that I realize how much my children mean to me. I never want them to not have the opportunity to grow up with people that love them so much. But sometimes, a lot of times, I am not in control and I have to accept that I can't have the people I love around forever.
I just didn't realize how soon some things in life would happen. And for that reason, as I sit with hope and prayers that these people will be around longer than I could possibly dream, I am saddened....deeply saddened by the thought that my kids will have to say goodbye to these wonderful people one day.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
I Love My Country More Than I Love Yours
I don't usually like to get political. I totally believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and a lot of beliefs are instilled in us growing up (which means it is almost impossible to change anyone's opinions on politics or religion).
But I have to say this. I love my country more than I love yours. And this is why...
Tell me why we spend all our money bombing other countries, sending troops to other countries, etc. when we have so many problems at home that need to be fixed? Don't we care more about our country than trying to be the world police and force our control and beliefs on other countries? I know, I know. Your response would be, but they are terrorist and they will bomb us or come after us. EEK- run for your lives, hide in your homes!!! Ummm...last time I checked our military was out of control- and I mean in a good way. Our police force is completely prepared for ANY attack on the United States so there is no reason for us to act as the world police when our own country is crumbling before our eyes.
Look, I choose not to live in fear. I am a free-thinking individual and no one is going to convince me that we need to do something out of FEAR of something else happening. I read one time that (don't quote me) at least 60% of the things we worry about NEVER happen. That is a pretty huge percentage. So tell me again why it's worth worrying our lives away?
Back to my point- this ISIS shit and all the other bullshit we are so adamant on being in control of and "taking down" is, IN MY OPINION, a complete waste of time and resources. While our OWN people are struggling at home to make ends meet, we don't do anything to help them. And I mean MIDDLE CLASS folks, not people you think "live off the government". (and I know cause, hey, I'm middle class and barely making ends meet) In case you didn't know, raising kids is not only hard, but expensive. (Daycare is $1,000 a month- that's like another mortgage payment)
We won't even give women equal pay, cause fuck that right? Let's continue to treat women as second class citizens, right? Because last time I checked, and again this is my opinion, as a woman, I raise my kids, clean the house, do the laundry, go to the grocery store, help my husband with dinner, work full-time and literally have ZERO time for myself because all of my time is devoted to providing for my family and working my full-time job. I don't deserve the same pay as my male counter-part? I HIGHLY doubt that. In fact, I think I deserve more pay, because as women, we are freaking SUPER HUMAN. Yea I said it- bring it on men- PROVE ME WRONG.
When we feel like shit, we have to suck it up and put on a smile for work and our kids. We are completely underappreciated by this government and it is downright sad and embarrassing as a FIRST WORLD country. Especially when other first world countries have rights we would LOVE to have but we don't get. And tell me why is that? It works out for other first world countries, so why not for us? (oh cause we are the big bad U.S. and we just KNOW it won't work right?) When I had Aiden, I would have LOVED to have paid maternity leave. Why should I be punished and have to exhaust my leave (and I work for the government- ha) because I have to take care of my newborn? It's just not right.
This is one of many issues that seriously needs to be addressed in our country. I will stop there- cause quite frankly I could write a book. But let me ask you this- your pride for this country is big right? You love your country right? So why don't you care to make it the best it can be and help take care of your people? That should be your first and foremost priority.
Until next time.....
But I have to say this. I love my country more than I love yours. And this is why...
Tell me why we spend all our money bombing other countries, sending troops to other countries, etc. when we have so many problems at home that need to be fixed? Don't we care more about our country than trying to be the world police and force our control and beliefs on other countries? I know, I know. Your response would be, but they are terrorist and they will bomb us or come after us. EEK- run for your lives, hide in your homes!!! Ummm...last time I checked our military was out of control- and I mean in a good way. Our police force is completely prepared for ANY attack on the United States so there is no reason for us to act as the world police when our own country is crumbling before our eyes.
Look, I choose not to live in fear. I am a free-thinking individual and no one is going to convince me that we need to do something out of FEAR of something else happening. I read one time that (don't quote me) at least 60% of the things we worry about NEVER happen. That is a pretty huge percentage. So tell me again why it's worth worrying our lives away?
Back to my point- this ISIS shit and all the other bullshit we are so adamant on being in control of and "taking down" is, IN MY OPINION, a complete waste of time and resources. While our OWN people are struggling at home to make ends meet, we don't do anything to help them. And I mean MIDDLE CLASS folks, not people you think "live off the government". (and I know cause, hey, I'm middle class and barely making ends meet) In case you didn't know, raising kids is not only hard, but expensive. (Daycare is $1,000 a month- that's like another mortgage payment)
We won't even give women equal pay, cause fuck that right? Let's continue to treat women as second class citizens, right? Because last time I checked, and again this is my opinion, as a woman, I raise my kids, clean the house, do the laundry, go to the grocery store, help my husband with dinner, work full-time and literally have ZERO time for myself because all of my time is devoted to providing for my family and working my full-time job. I don't deserve the same pay as my male counter-part? I HIGHLY doubt that. In fact, I think I deserve more pay, because as women, we are freaking SUPER HUMAN. Yea I said it- bring it on men- PROVE ME WRONG.
When we feel like shit, we have to suck it up and put on a smile for work and our kids. We are completely underappreciated by this government and it is downright sad and embarrassing as a FIRST WORLD country. Especially when other first world countries have rights we would LOVE to have but we don't get. And tell me why is that? It works out for other first world countries, so why not for us? (oh cause we are the big bad U.S. and we just KNOW it won't work right?) When I had Aiden, I would have LOVED to have paid maternity leave. Why should I be punished and have to exhaust my leave (and I work for the government- ha) because I have to take care of my newborn? It's just not right.
This is one of many issues that seriously needs to be addressed in our country. I will stop there- cause quite frankly I could write a book. But let me ask you this- your pride for this country is big right? You love your country right? So why don't you care to make it the best it can be and help take care of your people? That should be your first and foremost priority.
Until next time.....
Monday, August 4, 2014
I think it's time I follow my intuition
I've always prided myself on listening to and following my intuition. It seems my intuition never steers me wrong- that is, when I listen to it. (Hey, I'm not perfect!)
But one thing I have always been reluctant about following my intuition on is writing my own book. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always had a passion for writing and sharing my stories. I always thought it would be fun to write my own book, but something always seems to get in the way. Whether it be the fear of failing or the fear of wasting time on something that others might not deem productive, FEAR has always stopped me from pursuing this dream. I realize these are all just fears of never being good enough which I have to fight on a daily basis.
You see, your brain is a tricky thing. It likes to do the least amount of work possible even though it has the capacity to do amazing things. My brain tricks me into thinking that doing the bare minimum in life is good enough and that if I try to do more, I could most certainly fall flat on my face. I mean no one likes being judged right? But then, that shouldn't stop us from pursuing our dreams, should it?
Today is a new day my friends. I finally made the decision to write a book. I will work on it in my spare time but I will make sure to put in the effort instead of talking myself out of it. I want to share stories that I know could help others in their journey through life. I've been through so much that I almost feel an obligation to share instead of hiding my experiences due to the fear of being judged. Because in all honesty, I know I am not the only one who has been through the things I have been through.
I know in just sharing a few of my experiences on my blog that the things we feel shame for can have profound impacts on others. It's time I stop letting shame control so much of me that yearns to be free. Today is a new day....won't you join me and follow a dream of yours and leave the fear behind? What have you got to lose?
I'm copying these rules I found today because I believe these can help you too! (courtesy of zenhabits!) Check 'em out below!
But one thing I have always been reluctant about following my intuition on is writing my own book. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always had a passion for writing and sharing my stories. I always thought it would be fun to write my own book, but something always seems to get in the way. Whether it be the fear of failing or the fear of wasting time on something that others might not deem productive, FEAR has always stopped me from pursuing this dream. I realize these are all just fears of never being good enough which I have to fight on a daily basis.
You see, your brain is a tricky thing. It likes to do the least amount of work possible even though it has the capacity to do amazing things. My brain tricks me into thinking that doing the bare minimum in life is good enough and that if I try to do more, I could most certainly fall flat on my face. I mean no one likes being judged right? But then, that shouldn't stop us from pursuing our dreams, should it?
Today is a new day my friends. I finally made the decision to write a book. I will work on it in my spare time but I will make sure to put in the effort instead of talking myself out of it. I want to share stories that I know could help others in their journey through life. I've been through so much that I almost feel an obligation to share instead of hiding my experiences due to the fear of being judged. Because in all honesty, I know I am not the only one who has been through the things I have been through.
I know in just sharing a few of my experiences on my blog that the things we feel shame for can have profound impacts on others. It's time I stop letting shame control so much of me that yearns to be free. Today is a new day....won't you join me and follow a dream of yours and leave the fear behind? What have you got to lose?
I'm copying these rules I found today because I believe these can help you too! (courtesy of zenhabits!) Check 'em out below!
- Show up. If you need to write, the main thing you need to do is just to sit down in front of your text editor. If you start cleaning the house, or watch some videos, or read stuff online, to put off the moment when you have to start to write, then you’re never going to write. Instead, show up. The rest will come.
- Think about who you’re helping. Sure, there’s a lot of fear involved in doing hard work. But when you look at the fear you’re only looking at the downside. What about the upside? By showing up and working, you’re going to help someone. I think about readers who might need what I have learned. But sometimes you’re just helping yourself, building a new career or business. And that’s OK — you’re a person deserving of that help, and that’s a worthy endeavor.
- Ruthlessly carve out the space. You’re too busy? Bullshit. Make the time if it’s important. Stop watching TV, reading news, browsing things online, looking at social media, saying yes to other people’s requests, going to lunches, get out of being the head of those committees, whatever. Carve out the time. Put it on your calendar daily and make it happen. Make that time sacred, and don’t let anything interfere. You have to be incredibly ruthless to make this happen, but you can do it.
- Do the smallest possible step. Yes, I mean smallest possible. That doesn’t mean, “Write the first section of that report” … it means, “Go to your computer and open a document”. Or “Get up off the couch”. Or “Write one word”. Call that a success. Trust me, if you can take that first tiny step, the next step is a little easier. Get over the initial hurdle by making that hurdle as low as possible, and then keep clearing really easy hurdles until you’re an unstoppable force of nature.
- Let yourself feel the fear. We tend to not want to be afraid, and so we think about anything else. We don’t admit the fear to ourselves until we have to. Well, it’s time — you have to. Admit that you’re afraid, and see that that’s OK. We’re all afraid. I certainly am, all the time. It’s perfectly OK to be afraid — let yourself feel it. Be open to the feeling of fear, be present with it, really experience it. See where it’s coming from. What scenarios have you imagined that cause you to be afraid? Are those scenarios real? What would you do if they happened? Could you survive? I bet you could.
- Commit to others. Social motivation is probably the most powerful motivation there is. If you’re having trouble, ask a friend for help. Ask for some accountability. Give yourself a consequence if you fail. Don’t fail.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
I Never Knew...
My life has changed in ways I never knew it could,
Ask me five years ago where I saw myself, and I wouldn't have known where I stood.
So I come to you today to share,
How I discovered love in ways that are rare.
My hope is that even if your life does not go as planned,
you can see how the unexpected in life is incredibly grand.
I Never Knew the overwhelming love of having a child until I had my little boy,
There is no way to describe it except that nothing brings me more happiness and joy.
I Never Knew at age 31 I would be raising a teenage girl and a baby boy all at one time,
But these moments will define me and show that through everything we will still make it through just fine.
I Never Knew all the struggles that I would face- from family to money issues- hey we have all been there,
Yet these struggles only make me stronger, more prepared and less unaware.
I Never Knew how watching my husband being a father would make my heart blossom,
From the gentle way he helps with homework to the way he makes them laugh is incredibly awesome.
I Never Knew I'd get so lucky in life to have a whole-hearted family to love,
Because you see it hasn't been easy
But What in Life that is worth living forever is.....
So I leave you with this- remember, I am still learning too,
When Life has you down and you think things aren't going your way,
The "never knew" can truly make tomorrow a better day.
Ask me five years ago where I saw myself, and I wouldn't have known where I stood.
So I come to you today to share,
How I discovered love in ways that are rare.
My hope is that even if your life does not go as planned,
you can see how the unexpected in life is incredibly grand.
I Never Knew the overwhelming love of having a child until I had my little boy,
There is no way to describe it except that nothing brings me more happiness and joy.
I Never Knew at age 31 I would be raising a teenage girl and a baby boy all at one time,
But these moments will define me and show that through everything we will still make it through just fine.
I Never Knew all the struggles that I would face- from family to money issues- hey we have all been there,
Yet these struggles only make me stronger, more prepared and less unaware.
I Never Knew how watching my husband being a father would make my heart blossom,
From the gentle way he helps with homework to the way he makes them laugh is incredibly awesome.
I Never Knew I'd get so lucky in life to have a whole-hearted family to love,
Because you see it hasn't been easy
But What in Life that is worth living forever is.....
So I leave you with this- remember, I am still learning too,
When Life has you down and you think things aren't going your way,
The "never knew" can truly make tomorrow a better day.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Being a Parent is No Joke!!!
When I first thought of writing
this blog about how tough it is to be a parent, I was planning on focusing on
all the issues you encounter regarding a new edition to the home (i.e. Baby
Aiden). But while being a parent to a baby has its ups and downs, I think one
of the HARDEST parts of being a parent comes during the teenage years.
If you know me, I am a pretty open book. If you ask me something, I answer honestly and probably overshare. Oh well- get used to it! That said, this is a really tough topic, so I’ll talk about it in the most sensitive way I can.
These days, kids can be meaner than ever to each other and to themselves. These days, there are more sad kids than happy kids. And these days, there are more kids who have suicidal thoughts than ever before.
Recently, one of my step-daughter's friends took her life. It is an unbelievable tragedy that no parent should ever have to endure. This girl was LOVED sooooo much but she didn't see it. Sadly, all she saw was the pain in her heart that she could not heal on her own. She was lost and had nowhere to turn.
All I know is we have got to help these kids. We have got to stop telling these kids every damn thing they do wrong and start appreciating them for their differences and work on lifting them up. By beating our kids down, we are essentially creating incredibly insecure adults. (Speaking from experience). I know parents mean well, but what if we had someone who nitpicked us for everything we did wrong? It would piss us off and we would become defensive, right? I feel like that is all teenagers are doing when they are accused of something- but if they defend themselves we call it backtalk? In what working world does your boss tell you something and then not allow you to speak because it is backtalk? Not any working world I have been in, so how is this helping our kids? I definitely do not have all the answers but I do know that silencing our children doesn't work. All silencing them does is cause them to bury the pain- pain that will inevitably resurface in other ways at some point.
Sunday night my sweet beautiful step-daughter attempted to take her life. Thank God she was unsuccessful. Thank goodness she reached out for help and is now getting the help she needs. But it doesn't take away from the gravity of the situation. We all want her to be happy and healthy, but in spite of our best efforts and intentions she still is in deep emotional turmoil. So, while she is getting the help she needs, I think it is important that the parents (hey, I know this includes me) take a step back and figure out how we can improve our parenting. We need to figure out more positive and honest ways to engage with her. All relationships are two-way streets that require work from both people in order to improve, but all too often we expect our kids to do all the growing, all the learning, and all the work. Life doesn't work that way. If our kids accidentally cuss or break something- or whatever else brings out that instant urge for us to shut them down- please, let’s take a step back and breath and realize that we all make mistakes.
We all grow and we all learn. But from what I can tell, silencing kids is only leading to them wanting to permanently silence themselves.
If you know me, I am a pretty open book. If you ask me something, I answer honestly and probably overshare. Oh well- get used to it! That said, this is a really tough topic, so I’ll talk about it in the most sensitive way I can.
These days, kids can be meaner than ever to each other and to themselves. These days, there are more sad kids than happy kids. And these days, there are more kids who have suicidal thoughts than ever before.
Recently, one of my step-daughter's friends took her life. It is an unbelievable tragedy that no parent should ever have to endure. This girl was LOVED sooooo much but she didn't see it. Sadly, all she saw was the pain in her heart that she could not heal on her own. She was lost and had nowhere to turn.
All I know is we have got to help these kids. We have got to stop telling these kids every damn thing they do wrong and start appreciating them for their differences and work on lifting them up. By beating our kids down, we are essentially creating incredibly insecure adults. (Speaking from experience). I know parents mean well, but what if we had someone who nitpicked us for everything we did wrong? It would piss us off and we would become defensive, right? I feel like that is all teenagers are doing when they are accused of something- but if they defend themselves we call it backtalk? In what working world does your boss tell you something and then not allow you to speak because it is backtalk? Not any working world I have been in, so how is this helping our kids? I definitely do not have all the answers but I do know that silencing our children doesn't work. All silencing them does is cause them to bury the pain- pain that will inevitably resurface in other ways at some point.
Sunday night my sweet beautiful step-daughter attempted to take her life. Thank God she was unsuccessful. Thank goodness she reached out for help and is now getting the help she needs. But it doesn't take away from the gravity of the situation. We all want her to be happy and healthy, but in spite of our best efforts and intentions she still is in deep emotional turmoil. So, while she is getting the help she needs, I think it is important that the parents (hey, I know this includes me) take a step back and figure out how we can improve our parenting. We need to figure out more positive and honest ways to engage with her. All relationships are two-way streets that require work from both people in order to improve, but all too often we expect our kids to do all the growing, all the learning, and all the work. Life doesn't work that way. If our kids accidentally cuss or break something- or whatever else brings out that instant urge for us to shut them down- please, let’s take a step back and breath and realize that we all make mistakes.
We all grow and we all learn. But from what I can tell, silencing kids is only leading to them wanting to permanently silence themselves.
Friday, April 25, 2014
It's Happening...
I've noticed something more and more lately. A shift in people's thoughts, opinions and needs. A shift that is GREAT and long overdue! Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who thinks a certain way...but then I am reminded through people's personal blogs or articles I read that there are other people out there just like me who are ready for a positive change in this world.
A world that is less judgmental. A world where we do not constantly compare ourselves to others. A world where we do not feel this need to be this PERFECT PERSON. I for one am thrilled with where this world is evolving into- I finally feel like I can be myself, mistakes and all! It is such a liberating feeling to be able to be myself and make no apologies for who I am. (I've apologized more in my life for being me than I ever realized.)
I know we hear it all the time: just be yourself. But I mean, WHO really follows this? I sure hope more people out there are truly being their authentic selves. It is when we are our authentic selves that people truly love us for who we are. It is when we share our mistakes, regrets, and shame that we really connect with others. For some reason, we have been taught to hide these things but what does that do for us? It causes extreme inner turmoil and pain because you are essentially hiding a part of what makes you who you are and what has shaped you. That is not being fair to yourself either. No one should have to hide their pain and struggles from the world.
Here are a few common statements people make that should be banned from our vocabulary.
*"Sorry, my house is a mess!" or "Please excuse the mess!" WHO REALLY CARES? If you go into someone's home and judge them by their mess, well , that's just ridiculous. We all have jobs, kids, errands, ailing family members or friends, etc., etc. so it makes ABSOLUTELY PERFECT FUCKING SENSE for your house to be a complete disarray! Stop apologizing for living life. :)
*Any statement where you are criticizing your body or looks. As Brandy says, we must stop the madness! (read her blog- it is freaking fantastic! http://icanthearmyselfdrink.com/2014/04/25/you-are-not-alone/) So we aren't perfect huh? Guess what?! No one is! Stop beating yourself up. Love all your imperfections because they make you who you are! I remember one day I was talking to my friend Keisha and I told her if I could change one thing I would get the bump taken out of my nose. She looked appalled- and then started crying! I thought, WTF? She told me not to do it and that she loved my nose! She was right.... I now love my nose because it makes me who I am. (Thanks Keisha! XO)
*Any statement that starts out with "I don't deserve this..." OR EVEN "I deserved the way they treated me." All I can say is are you kidding me? We have got to STOP being SO HARD on ourselves. Beating ourselves up in any kind of way has got to stop. If we weren't so hard on ourselves, maybe we wouldn't be so critical of others, you know? Food for thought...
I could go on, but I will stop for now. And hey, I still make these statements whether I like it or not. The difference for me now is AWARENESS. I am now aware of when I have negative self-talk or find myself judging someone or something. And then I can nip that shit in the bud! Eventually, with awareness, I will stop these thoughts completely. I can't wait for that day. Each day gets better and it can for you too. It all starts from within.
Until next time....XOXO Mel
A world that is less judgmental. A world where we do not constantly compare ourselves to others. A world where we do not feel this need to be this PERFECT PERSON. I for one am thrilled with where this world is evolving into- I finally feel like I can be myself, mistakes and all! It is such a liberating feeling to be able to be myself and make no apologies for who I am. (I've apologized more in my life for being me than I ever realized.)
I know we hear it all the time: just be yourself. But I mean, WHO really follows this? I sure hope more people out there are truly being their authentic selves. It is when we are our authentic selves that people truly love us for who we are. It is when we share our mistakes, regrets, and shame that we really connect with others. For some reason, we have been taught to hide these things but what does that do for us? It causes extreme inner turmoil and pain because you are essentially hiding a part of what makes you who you are and what has shaped you. That is not being fair to yourself either. No one should have to hide their pain and struggles from the world.
Here are a few common statements people make that should be banned from our vocabulary.
*"Sorry, my house is a mess!" or "Please excuse the mess!" WHO REALLY CARES? If you go into someone's home and judge them by their mess, well , that's just ridiculous. We all have jobs, kids, errands, ailing family members or friends, etc., etc. so it makes ABSOLUTELY PERFECT FUCKING SENSE for your house to be a complete disarray! Stop apologizing for living life. :)
*Any statement where you are criticizing your body or looks. As Brandy says, we must stop the madness! (read her blog- it is freaking fantastic! http://icanthearmyselfdrink.com/2014/04/25/you-are-not-alone/) So we aren't perfect huh? Guess what?! No one is! Stop beating yourself up. Love all your imperfections because they make you who you are! I remember one day I was talking to my friend Keisha and I told her if I could change one thing I would get the bump taken out of my nose. She looked appalled- and then started crying! I thought, WTF? She told me not to do it and that she loved my nose! She was right.... I now love my nose because it makes me who I am. (Thanks Keisha! XO)
*Any statement that starts out with "I don't deserve this..." OR EVEN "I deserved the way they treated me." All I can say is are you kidding me? We have got to STOP being SO HARD on ourselves. Beating ourselves up in any kind of way has got to stop. If we weren't so hard on ourselves, maybe we wouldn't be so critical of others, you know? Food for thought...
I could go on, but I will stop for now. And hey, I still make these statements whether I like it or not. The difference for me now is AWARENESS. I am now aware of when I have negative self-talk or find myself judging someone or something. And then I can nip that shit in the bud! Eventually, with awareness, I will stop these thoughts completely. I can't wait for that day. Each day gets better and it can for you too. It all starts from within.
Until next time....XOXO Mel
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Mindfulness: Easier said than done!
In the past couple years, through therapy and many changes in my life (new home, marriage, baby, etc.) I have become more aware of how I treat people and how others treat me and how this affects everything in my life. I believe awareness is the hardest step in making changes for the better and breaking the bad cycles we have been taught by our parents and that our parents had taught to them.
Here is the definition of mindfulness: Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.
I try living my life now in the active state of mindfulness. This does not mean I do not still make mistakes along the way. What is does mean is that if I do make a mistake, I am now almost instantly aware of it and can correct any wrongdoing I might have created. (IE getting upset about things out of my control) Being mindful does not mean you have to be perfect. We are human- we make mistakes. The important thing is that we rectify our mistakes and let people know when we are sorry when we have hurt them. Sometimes apologies are not for the other person as much as they are for yourself so that you can both move on.
I've recently dealt with a lot of struggles in life: adjusting to being a mom (it's hard folks!!!), working on my finances to figure out how to afford daycare and budget better (this is so hard too!!!), working a job where I support two programs and trying to give both programs my all though I always feel I am jilting the other, dealing with my dad's health issues and working with my family to constantly support each other through these health struggles, dealing with migraines and daily headaches (this gets sooooo old!!!)....the list goes on and on.
And through all this, I have tried to stay so positive. But hey, I am human, I am weak and I struggle to stay positive at times too. Sometimes life wins and knocks me down. But a lot of times I win and I can be the change I need in life to be happier, healthier and more positive. I just have to practice being mindful which includes letting go of judgments and loving unconditionally.
So while I write this blog, it is almost therapeutic for me because it helps me realize that when I am feeling weak or hurting, it is because I am letting others actions make me feel that way. I have to stop this cycle and realize that the only person losing out in this situation is ME. I am learning to let go of control but at the same time, not let other's thoughts or views of me control how I feel about myself. I know we all have money/health/job problems we deal with day in and day out. We look to the person next to us and think they have it so easy and why can't our lives be more like that. But in reality, this person that you think has it so easy, is secretly battling their own struggles and demons. It's just that no one talks about it because no one wants to be perceived as weak or feel shame.
But I don't consider talking about problems as being weak..... I consider it to be so BRAVE. When we share our struggles, we relate to each other better. I wish you all mindfulness in this journey called life. Remember, treat others as you would like to be treated and love without conditions. We are all here on this journey together so let's help make it easier on each other instead of harder.
Until next time....xoxo Mel
Here is the definition of mindfulness: Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.
I try living my life now in the active state of mindfulness. This does not mean I do not still make mistakes along the way. What is does mean is that if I do make a mistake, I am now almost instantly aware of it and can correct any wrongdoing I might have created. (IE getting upset about things out of my control) Being mindful does not mean you have to be perfect. We are human- we make mistakes. The important thing is that we rectify our mistakes and let people know when we are sorry when we have hurt them. Sometimes apologies are not for the other person as much as they are for yourself so that you can both move on.
I've recently dealt with a lot of struggles in life: adjusting to being a mom (it's hard folks!!!), working on my finances to figure out how to afford daycare and budget better (this is so hard too!!!), working a job where I support two programs and trying to give both programs my all though I always feel I am jilting the other, dealing with my dad's health issues and working with my family to constantly support each other through these health struggles, dealing with migraines and daily headaches (this gets sooooo old!!!)....the list goes on and on.
And through all this, I have tried to stay so positive. But hey, I am human, I am weak and I struggle to stay positive at times too. Sometimes life wins and knocks me down. But a lot of times I win and I can be the change I need in life to be happier, healthier and more positive. I just have to practice being mindful which includes letting go of judgments and loving unconditionally.
So while I write this blog, it is almost therapeutic for me because it helps me realize that when I am feeling weak or hurting, it is because I am letting others actions make me feel that way. I have to stop this cycle and realize that the only person losing out in this situation is ME. I am learning to let go of control but at the same time, not let other's thoughts or views of me control how I feel about myself. I know we all have money/health/job problems we deal with day in and day out. We look to the person next to us and think they have it so easy and why can't our lives be more like that. But in reality, this person that you think has it so easy, is secretly battling their own struggles and demons. It's just that no one talks about it because no one wants to be perceived as weak or feel shame.
But I don't consider talking about problems as being weak..... I consider it to be so BRAVE. When we share our struggles, we relate to each other better. I wish you all mindfulness in this journey called life. Remember, treat others as you would like to be treated and love without conditions. We are all here on this journey together so let's help make it easier on each other instead of harder.
Until next time....xoxo Mel
Thursday, March 20, 2014
When Life Gets Tough: My Advice for You
This world can be a tough place to grow up in. We are constantly reminded how we are not good enough yet hardly told how GREAT we truly are and how we touch so many people's lives. Here's a little example:
Last week Jamon and I wandered over to Southpark Meadows to eat lunch at Waterloo. They have a great patio and the sun was shining! Anyway, our waiter was AMAZING. I mean, AMAZING. He was attentive - brought our food and drinks quickly, checked on us frequently and was always around in case we needed something. On top of that, there was one moment when I was looking for a ketchup bottle and one of the other waiters came by and asked if there was something I needed that she could help me with. I thought WOW! You noticed me looking around?! This blew my mind. Maybe I have not had good waiters in the past, but these waiters were great. So much so, that I decided I wanted to talk to the manager. If you could have seen the look on our waiter's face when I asked for the manager- he looked a bit petrified! Why is this? Because in the world we live in, people usually only ask for the manager if they want to complain (and honestly, that makes me sad).
I quickly assured him that he had been so amazing that I wanted to let his boss know. Well, I guess he didn't even tell the manager it was "good" news when he sent the manager over, because I could tell the manager had a look on his face like he was ready to deal with some negative news about his employees. I told him, "Before I start, please don't look worried. This is good news!" I shared with him that his wait staff was superb and I was incredibly impressed. But you know, even though I was telling the manager the good news, he still looked solemn. You know why? Because he had set himself up for bad news and even though I told him good news, he didn't even know how to process it! I let him know he must be doing a great job as manager to have such wonderful employees and then I got a bit of a half smile. He even admitted to me in walking over to the table that he was ready to hear negative news (again, this makes me sad!).
So here is my point. We all have daily struggles. We all have family problems. We all deal with health issues in one way or another. So what is the key here? WE is the KEY. If we all help each other out and spread more love and less hate, then I guarantee you will be impacting this world more than you will ever know.
See that stranger on the street or in traffic with a scowl? Shoot a beaming smile their way- they need it the most. See someone struggling to open the door or trying to carry too many things? Why not offer to help or hold the door for them. You can even high five a stranger! (someone did this to me once and it totally made my day!)
It is really amazing what little day-to-day things we can do in our world that can make a significant impact. So today, I ask of you, make a list of what you are grateful for and focus on that. Because we all know how easy it is to focus on the negative and the "why me?". Here's your chance to make a difference in someone's day. So the next time someone does something great for you, shout it from the rooftops! Let them FEEL THE LOVE!!! Because really, that's all we want in life. To live love and to be loved.
Until next time... xoxo Mel
Last week Jamon and I wandered over to Southpark Meadows to eat lunch at Waterloo. They have a great patio and the sun was shining! Anyway, our waiter was AMAZING. I mean, AMAZING. He was attentive - brought our food and drinks quickly, checked on us frequently and was always around in case we needed something. On top of that, there was one moment when I was looking for a ketchup bottle and one of the other waiters came by and asked if there was something I needed that she could help me with. I thought WOW! You noticed me looking around?! This blew my mind. Maybe I have not had good waiters in the past, but these waiters were great. So much so, that I decided I wanted to talk to the manager. If you could have seen the look on our waiter's face when I asked for the manager- he looked a bit petrified! Why is this? Because in the world we live in, people usually only ask for the manager if they want to complain (and honestly, that makes me sad).
I quickly assured him that he had been so amazing that I wanted to let his boss know. Well, I guess he didn't even tell the manager it was "good" news when he sent the manager over, because I could tell the manager had a look on his face like he was ready to deal with some negative news about his employees. I told him, "Before I start, please don't look worried. This is good news!" I shared with him that his wait staff was superb and I was incredibly impressed. But you know, even though I was telling the manager the good news, he still looked solemn. You know why? Because he had set himself up for bad news and even though I told him good news, he didn't even know how to process it! I let him know he must be doing a great job as manager to have such wonderful employees and then I got a bit of a half smile. He even admitted to me in walking over to the table that he was ready to hear negative news (again, this makes me sad!).
So here is my point. We all have daily struggles. We all have family problems. We all deal with health issues in one way or another. So what is the key here? WE is the KEY. If we all help each other out and spread more love and less hate, then I guarantee you will be impacting this world more than you will ever know.
See that stranger on the street or in traffic with a scowl? Shoot a beaming smile their way- they need it the most. See someone struggling to open the door or trying to carry too many things? Why not offer to help or hold the door for them. You can even high five a stranger! (someone did this to me once and it totally made my day!)
It is really amazing what little day-to-day things we can do in our world that can make a significant impact. So today, I ask of you, make a list of what you are grateful for and focus on that. Because we all know how easy it is to focus on the negative and the "why me?". Here's your chance to make a difference in someone's day. So the next time someone does something great for you, shout it from the rooftops! Let them FEEL THE LOVE!!! Because really, that's all we want in life. To live love and to be loved.
Until next time... xoxo Mel
Monday, March 10, 2014
Some things I wonder (but it does not mean I am not guilty of them too!)
We all have random thoughts pop up in our head (or at least I think we all do- it could just be me! ha!). So I decided to make a blog post about random thoughts that pop up in my head.....
*Does a thank you, I love you, or any form of gratitude mean more to someone if you post it on Facebook for everyone else to see instead of simply telling the person?
*Once you have taken a few selfies and posted them, do you ever think, "that's enough selfies?" I mean you can only post so many pics of your face smiling or making faces before all your pictures look the same.
*When sitting in traffic and you see someone fly by on the lane meant to exit and they swing over into the traffic last minute to cut in, do you think "Wow that person is smart! They got five cars ahead of me instead of merging like everyone else." Or for that matter, what do you think the person driving is thinking when they do this? "YES!!!! I will get to work 30 seconds quicker now!"
*If you have a baby, are you surprised at how much you talk about poop? I sure was....poop is like a daily subject in my household. "Do you know if Aiden pooped today?" "No?" "Maybe we should give him some prunes, etc"
*When we use Facebook to complain about our lives or moan about something, does it make us feel better? Do we like people feeling sorry for us? What did we do before Facebook when we wanted to complain?
*Am I the only one fascinated with reality television? I love it all...these people amaze me...especially the Real Housewives! It just goes to show that you can have all the money in the world and still be a hot mess. I think it helps me appreciate the little things more. (or at least that's how I portray my love of reality bullshit to my hubby!)
*What's the obsession with kale? I know people love to eat it and juice it because it is "good for you"....but come on, the way people eat kale they must think it will be like spinach is for Popeye and turn them into super humans.
*Why is it when you give people an inch of authority, they abuse it? I mean, not all people but I consistently see many do this. Take our rent a cop security where I work. They will chase you down to see your badge EVEN if they see you every day, even multiple times a day. Then they will shame/scold you and remind you to show your badge. They have everyone so scared that just this morning as I was coming in the side door, a lovely man held the door open for me and I said thank you...but then HE proceeded to ask me if I had my badge! LMAO Now I have to prove to other people in the building I work here so they will let me in? Honestly, there is no agency in this building that someone is going to want to come in and take us out. And quite frankly, I have sneaked in numerous times without my badge so if someone REALLY wanted to get in, they would. Back off rent a cops. We are all here to do a job- not harass people and call it part of our job. #puttheshoeontheotherfoot
*Why must we always learn the hard way? My parents always tried to give me advice and I told them they never understood and their advice was crap.....ahhh, yes....I thought I was so smart back then. NOW, I have a 13 almost 14 year old teenage girl at home who knows everything and we don't understand anything and our advice is crap. Oh dear child....if you only knew! It makes me laugh. Just last night I was talking about how stressed and exhausted I was because March was going to be soooo busy and I have to work a lot of weekends, throw a baby shower, go to a wedding, etc." Athena proceeds to tell me "You can't be half as stressed as I am!!!!" LMAO!!! Really? What could you possibly have to stress about that trumps adult stress- and for that matter, on Spring Break?? As I said, all I can do is laugh because arguing your point is POINTLESS. I repeat POINTLESS!! Teenagers know everything so don't even try to help. Just let them fall on their face and learn the hard way! (it will save you a lot of wasted and frustrated energy) :)
*There should be a law that allows you to work from home if you have one of the following ailments: headaches, diarrhea, PMS/cramps/period problems, nausea/throwing up or excessive gas. Most of these are explainable so I will leave it at that. Let's be honest people, do you want to deal with even half of those issues in a public bathroom you share with coworkers? I think not..... and I sure as heck don't want someone else coming to work with those issues. hahaha
Until next time.....Mel
*Does a thank you, I love you, or any form of gratitude mean more to someone if you post it on Facebook for everyone else to see instead of simply telling the person?
*Once you have taken a few selfies and posted them, do you ever think, "that's enough selfies?" I mean you can only post so many pics of your face smiling or making faces before all your pictures look the same.
*When sitting in traffic and you see someone fly by on the lane meant to exit and they swing over into the traffic last minute to cut in, do you think "Wow that person is smart! They got five cars ahead of me instead of merging like everyone else." Or for that matter, what do you think the person driving is thinking when they do this? "YES!!!! I will get to work 30 seconds quicker now!"
*If you have a baby, are you surprised at how much you talk about poop? I sure was....poop is like a daily subject in my household. "Do you know if Aiden pooped today?" "No?" "Maybe we should give him some prunes, etc"
*When we use Facebook to complain about our lives or moan about something, does it make us feel better? Do we like people feeling sorry for us? What did we do before Facebook when we wanted to complain?
*Am I the only one fascinated with reality television? I love it all...these people amaze me...especially the Real Housewives! It just goes to show that you can have all the money in the world and still be a hot mess. I think it helps me appreciate the little things more. (or at least that's how I portray my love of reality bullshit to my hubby!)
*What's the obsession with kale? I know people love to eat it and juice it because it is "good for you"....but come on, the way people eat kale they must think it will be like spinach is for Popeye and turn them into super humans.
*Why is it when you give people an inch of authority, they abuse it? I mean, not all people but I consistently see many do this. Take our rent a cop security where I work. They will chase you down to see your badge EVEN if they see you every day, even multiple times a day. Then they will shame/scold you and remind you to show your badge. They have everyone so scared that just this morning as I was coming in the side door, a lovely man held the door open for me and I said thank you...but then HE proceeded to ask me if I had my badge! LMAO Now I have to prove to other people in the building I work here so they will let me in? Honestly, there is no agency in this building that someone is going to want to come in and take us out. And quite frankly, I have sneaked in numerous times without my badge so if someone REALLY wanted to get in, they would. Back off rent a cops. We are all here to do a job- not harass people and call it part of our job. #puttheshoeontheotherfoot
*Why must we always learn the hard way? My parents always tried to give me advice and I told them they never understood and their advice was crap.....ahhh, yes....I thought I was so smart back then. NOW, I have a 13 almost 14 year old teenage girl at home who knows everything and we don't understand anything and our advice is crap. Oh dear child....if you only knew! It makes me laugh. Just last night I was talking about how stressed and exhausted I was because March was going to be soooo busy and I have to work a lot of weekends, throw a baby shower, go to a wedding, etc." Athena proceeds to tell me "You can't be half as stressed as I am!!!!" LMAO!!! Really? What could you possibly have to stress about that trumps adult stress- and for that matter, on Spring Break?? As I said, all I can do is laugh because arguing your point is POINTLESS. I repeat POINTLESS!! Teenagers know everything so don't even try to help. Just let them fall on their face and learn the hard way! (it will save you a lot of wasted and frustrated energy) :)
*There should be a law that allows you to work from home if you have one of the following ailments: headaches, diarrhea, PMS/cramps/period problems, nausea/throwing up or excessive gas. Most of these are explainable so I will leave it at that. Let's be honest people, do you want to deal with even half of those issues in a public bathroom you share with coworkers? I think not..... and I sure as heck don't want someone else coming to work with those issues. hahaha
Until next time.....Mel
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
The Wrath of Addiction
One thing I can say about addiction is, if you have never experienced it, you do not want to and if you have experienced it, you know it is a hell of a struggle to break free from its tight grasp. I know this all too well. I've witnessed addictions in others growing up. I never thought I would go through my own. But I sit here deciding to share some of my story with you in hopes that you will understand it is a disease and not a choice and it is a CONSTANT fight to not let the addiction win so that the REAL me (or you) can prevail.
I grew up with an alcoholic father, grandfather, and uncle....think it runs in my family much? HA! But I never thought it would be me with an addiction. I saw the relationships addiction destroyed and the pain it caused all those involved. I would say the only good thing about having migraines is that drinking has never really been my thing- or just not worth the repercussions. Socially drinking? At this day and age, I say forget it, because even if I have just one glass of wine, I am guaranteed a headache in the morning or in the middle of the night. Couple that with a 6 month old to take care of and you can just throw drinking out the window for me! But when I talk about addiction, I can THANKFULLY say I do not struggle with it today and have been sober from my drug of choice for over 7 years! Though sometimes it just feels like yesterday....
I never thought I would be one to fall for peer pressure. I have always been so fiercely independent, even to a fault. But when your heart aches inside and you feel a part of you is missing, then it becomes almost easier to say, oh who cares- let's try this and see how it makes me feel. Couldn't be much worse than the pain I carried around on a daily basis and wished to not feel, right? At least, that's what my brain would tell me. My struggle started my sophomore year of college. I started hanging out with some people who obviously did not have my best interests at heart. And in this group, I found a boyfriend who easily supplied me with my drug of choice. It happened so quickly...one day I was taking it for fun to party on the weekends, and the next, I couldn't go a day without having it and feeling that relief inside from my feelings and pain.
This story is so much longer than one blog....and it is one filled with sadness, ugliness and pain I caused myself and family during that time. So I will spare you all the terrible stories that took me so long to get over and forgive myself for (even though that's the juicy stuff right? LOL)....but this is why I wanted to share my story. Because in today's society, we are supposed to feel shame for our addiction and hide our stories in fear of being judged. Well, I am not hiding anymore and if you are truly interested in my story, I'd be happy to share it in person. I feel lucky that I escaped addiction and I thank GOD for my parents because without them, I might still be in that downward spiral, or worse, dead.
Remember this: as you see stories come out about celebrities or anyone ending up in jail, rehab or DEAD from addiction, please do not judge. You do not know what these people struggle with. You do not know how POWERFUL addiction is. That is why so many people who are addicted are in denial, because the addiction part of the brain convinces them that they are not addicted and as long as they only do it every now and then, it will be ok. But it is never ok...and every story I see in the news about another celebrity losing their battle with addiction makes my heart ache and I empathize with them so much. And I also think, SHIT, that COULD have been ME..... Not sure why I got a second chance (or third or fourth-ha!), but I sure as hell appreciate it and am trying to make the most of it!!!
I know I'm proof that a person can overcome addiction and still have a successful happy life, but don't ever forget that the struggle is REAL. I have had my weak moments over the years where I think that drug I used to depend on so much to get through the days would be pretty great right now. But then I remember that even when I don't like how I am feeling, I have to appreciate every emotion and know that life is a journey and it isn't all roses and sunshine. I can whole-heartedly say that I am happier than I have ever been and feel so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. So remember- don't judge others- you don't know their struggles. And if you don't have an addictive personality, then count your lucky stars because it is something so many people deal with but do not talk about. It's time we let go of the shame of our past mistakes. We are all human and we are all on this journey together. Thanks for reading some of my story....
xoxo Mel
I grew up with an alcoholic father, grandfather, and uncle....think it runs in my family much? HA! But I never thought it would be me with an addiction. I saw the relationships addiction destroyed and the pain it caused all those involved. I would say the only good thing about having migraines is that drinking has never really been my thing- or just not worth the repercussions. Socially drinking? At this day and age, I say forget it, because even if I have just one glass of wine, I am guaranteed a headache in the morning or in the middle of the night. Couple that with a 6 month old to take care of and you can just throw drinking out the window for me! But when I talk about addiction, I can THANKFULLY say I do not struggle with it today and have been sober from my drug of choice for over 7 years! Though sometimes it just feels like yesterday....
I never thought I would be one to fall for peer pressure. I have always been so fiercely independent, even to a fault. But when your heart aches inside and you feel a part of you is missing, then it becomes almost easier to say, oh who cares- let's try this and see how it makes me feel. Couldn't be much worse than the pain I carried around on a daily basis and wished to not feel, right? At least, that's what my brain would tell me. My struggle started my sophomore year of college. I started hanging out with some people who obviously did not have my best interests at heart. And in this group, I found a boyfriend who easily supplied me with my drug of choice. It happened so quickly...one day I was taking it for fun to party on the weekends, and the next, I couldn't go a day without having it and feeling that relief inside from my feelings and pain.
This story is so much longer than one blog....and it is one filled with sadness, ugliness and pain I caused myself and family during that time. So I will spare you all the terrible stories that took me so long to get over and forgive myself for (even though that's the juicy stuff right? LOL)....but this is why I wanted to share my story. Because in today's society, we are supposed to feel shame for our addiction and hide our stories in fear of being judged. Well, I am not hiding anymore and if you are truly interested in my story, I'd be happy to share it in person. I feel lucky that I escaped addiction and I thank GOD for my parents because without them, I might still be in that downward spiral, or worse, dead.
Remember this: as you see stories come out about celebrities or anyone ending up in jail, rehab or DEAD from addiction, please do not judge. You do not know what these people struggle with. You do not know how POWERFUL addiction is. That is why so many people who are addicted are in denial, because the addiction part of the brain convinces them that they are not addicted and as long as they only do it every now and then, it will be ok. But it is never ok...and every story I see in the news about another celebrity losing their battle with addiction makes my heart ache and I empathize with them so much. And I also think, SHIT, that COULD have been ME..... Not sure why I got a second chance (or third or fourth-ha!), but I sure as hell appreciate it and am trying to make the most of it!!!
I know I'm proof that a person can overcome addiction and still have a successful happy life, but don't ever forget that the struggle is REAL. I have had my weak moments over the years where I think that drug I used to depend on so much to get through the days would be pretty great right now. But then I remember that even when I don't like how I am feeling, I have to appreciate every emotion and know that life is a journey and it isn't all roses and sunshine. I can whole-heartedly say that I am happier than I have ever been and feel so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. So remember- don't judge others- you don't know their struggles. And if you don't have an addictive personality, then count your lucky stars because it is something so many people deal with but do not talk about. It's time we let go of the shame of our past mistakes. We are all human and we are all on this journey together. Thanks for reading some of my story....
xoxo Mel
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Migraines: The Destroyers of Happiness
If you know me well, you know I have suffered from migraines since I was 9 years old. I can still remember the first migraine I experienced. It was at my uncle's wedding reception... I remember curling in a ball in a chair in the back of the room. The music was so loud and my head was pounding out of control. It was horrible, and for a child, it was a "why me?!" moment. I could tell relatives felt so bad for me as they would constantly check on me but no one could help. All I could do was let it run its course. I even got sick in the car on the way home...brutal memories but inevitably, the beginning of the end for me.
A lot of people silently suffer from the pain of migraines. I empathize with them all. Because of migraines I have missed lifetime events in my friends and family's lives. I've also missed countless hours of work and spent many days writhing in pain in my bed with no relief. Heck, I even got fired from a job for missing due to my migraines. It's hard when people don't understand or don't "believe" you. I can whole-heartedly say that if I have missed something for a migraine, I wasn't using it as an excuse to get out of things. That's just not me. Before I had my first migraine, I was a student with perfect attendance. As you can imagine, I will never be a perfect attendance kinda gal again unless I find a cure for these migraines!
It's tough living with the constant pain. And of course everyone thinks they have a cure for me. It's really sweet that people care and I love hearing if something worked for someone else that I might have not tried. I do know that I have literally tried everything under the sun: drink more water, cut out caffeine, workout, go to the chiropractor, get shots in the back of my head, get Botox, try acupuncture, try yoga, etc etc. Not to mention ALL the BAZILLIONS of medications I have tried over the years. Sometimes I would get a little relief, but nothing ever stuck.
Now here I am at 31 and still suffering from almost a daily headache. Migraines run in my family- my grandmother has them and her mother had them also. My grandmother will be 87 this March and she STILL suffers from migraines. I can't tell you how much that scares the shit out of me. I could possibly be in for 50+ more years of dealing with migraines. Insert sad face HERE. Dealing with the headache pain was one of the reasons I was not even sure if I wanted my own kids. I know you are not supposed to live life worrying about the what ifs, but the last thing I would EVER want to do in life is give my children migraines. It's a tough course in life to travel and I wouldn't wish them on ANYONE.
I must say, though, it is true that children bring out the best in you. I am happy to say that even though I still get a daily ache in my head, my migraines has gone down quite a bit as of recently. (I used to get at least one bad stay-in-your-bed-all-day migraine a month.) Even when my head is giving me a fight for my sanity, all I have to do is look into Aiden's beautiful sweet eyes and the pain truly melts away. I knew if I chose to raise children it would be difficult and I would need a lot of support from my husband, especially on days I would be stuck in bed in pain. I am blessed to say I have an army of support in helping to raise Aiden so I don't have to feel guilty when my head hurts and I can't be 100% myself. Now if only I could find a cure for my migraines that doesn't involve chopping off my head! ;)
A lot of people silently suffer from the pain of migraines. I empathize with them all. Because of migraines I have missed lifetime events in my friends and family's lives. I've also missed countless hours of work and spent many days writhing in pain in my bed with no relief. Heck, I even got fired from a job for missing due to my migraines. It's hard when people don't understand or don't "believe" you. I can whole-heartedly say that if I have missed something for a migraine, I wasn't using it as an excuse to get out of things. That's just not me. Before I had my first migraine, I was a student with perfect attendance. As you can imagine, I will never be a perfect attendance kinda gal again unless I find a cure for these migraines!
It's tough living with the constant pain. And of course everyone thinks they have a cure for me. It's really sweet that people care and I love hearing if something worked for someone else that I might have not tried. I do know that I have literally tried everything under the sun: drink more water, cut out caffeine, workout, go to the chiropractor, get shots in the back of my head, get Botox, try acupuncture, try yoga, etc etc. Not to mention ALL the BAZILLIONS of medications I have tried over the years. Sometimes I would get a little relief, but nothing ever stuck.
Now here I am at 31 and still suffering from almost a daily headache. Migraines run in my family- my grandmother has them and her mother had them also. My grandmother will be 87 this March and she STILL suffers from migraines. I can't tell you how much that scares the shit out of me. I could possibly be in for 50+ more years of dealing with migraines. Insert sad face HERE. Dealing with the headache pain was one of the reasons I was not even sure if I wanted my own kids. I know you are not supposed to live life worrying about the what ifs, but the last thing I would EVER want to do in life is give my children migraines. It's a tough course in life to travel and I wouldn't wish them on ANYONE.
I must say, though, it is true that children bring out the best in you. I am happy to say that even though I still get a daily ache in my head, my migraines has gone down quite a bit as of recently. (I used to get at least one bad stay-in-your-bed-all-day migraine a month.) Even when my head is giving me a fight for my sanity, all I have to do is look into Aiden's beautiful sweet eyes and the pain truly melts away. I knew if I chose to raise children it would be difficult and I would need a lot of support from my husband, especially on days I would be stuck in bed in pain. I am blessed to say I have an army of support in helping to raise Aiden so I don't have to feel guilty when my head hurts and I can't be 100% myself. Now if only I could find a cure for my migraines that doesn't involve chopping off my head! ;)
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Dancing is fun....anywhere!!
I thought about making my next blog serious (past struggles) or special (sharing those wonderful moments in life) but instead, I totally settled on a more fun topic: dancing!!!
I love to dance. I might not always have the best rhythm, but shaking my hips around and feeling the beat can always put me in the best of moods. I remember being young, just turning 18 and finally being old enough to get into clubs. Me and my friends would get all jazzed up and hit Dirty Sixth so we could shake our stuff and dance the night away. No inhibitions, just loving to dance...and most likely hoping to meet some hot guys along the way as well. I mean, come on! We were young and looking for fun!!!
Now while it is normal to go to a club to dance, I know dancing in other places is not quite so normal. I love to dance in the car or while I am home by myself and no one is watching. (It's crazy how good it feels to be silly or do something fun without the worry of being judged!)
But where I really get the urge to dance is while I am freaking shopping. Tell me I am not the only one?! I sit there perusing the clearance racks and over the intercom a song comes on that just makes me want to boogie down. And so subtly, I do a bit of hip thrusting because I just can't help myself and it puts me in a great mood. Mind you, the people who are usually shopping with me- like my mom- look at me like I am a NUT.
Am I a nut for wanting to dance around when I hear a great song? Even if it is in the middle of a store? I think not. Not like I am doing some break-dancing or anything! HAHA
I think it keeps life fun and if it makes me feel good and does not harm others, then why the heck not? So the next time you are with me and we are listening to some jams, just let me know if you are up for a boogie-down session because I always am!
My motto: Live life freely and without judgments. It's hard, I know. But it wouldn't be worth it if it was easy. :) Now dance like no one's watching!
Until next time....xoxo Mel
I love to dance. I might not always have the best rhythm, but shaking my hips around and feeling the beat can always put me in the best of moods. I remember being young, just turning 18 and finally being old enough to get into clubs. Me and my friends would get all jazzed up and hit Dirty Sixth so we could shake our stuff and dance the night away. No inhibitions, just loving to dance...and most likely hoping to meet some hot guys along the way as well. I mean, come on! We were young and looking for fun!!!
Now while it is normal to go to a club to dance, I know dancing in other places is not quite so normal. I love to dance in the car or while I am home by myself and no one is watching. (It's crazy how good it feels to be silly or do something fun without the worry of being judged!)
But where I really get the urge to dance is while I am freaking shopping. Tell me I am not the only one?! I sit there perusing the clearance racks and over the intercom a song comes on that just makes me want to boogie down. And so subtly, I do a bit of hip thrusting because I just can't help myself and it puts me in a great mood. Mind you, the people who are usually shopping with me- like my mom- look at me like I am a NUT.
Am I a nut for wanting to dance around when I hear a great song? Even if it is in the middle of a store? I think not. Not like I am doing some break-dancing or anything! HAHA
I think it keeps life fun and if it makes me feel good and does not harm others, then why the heck not? So the next time you are with me and we are listening to some jams, just let me know if you are up for a boogie-down session because I always am!
My motto: Live life freely and without judgments. It's hard, I know. But it wouldn't be worth it if it was easy. :) Now dance like no one's watching!
Until next time....xoxo Mel
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
A Little Bit About Me!
I've always had a passion for writing even from a young age. I used to write story books as a child and then when I hit high school, I discovered newspaper and yearbook and I instantly fell in love. I enjoyed the process so much of writing someone's story, from coming up with the questions to ask, to interviewing them and then to creating the final product. (And as all writers know, coming up with those first few sentences of a story can be the hardest!!) I would eagerly await to hear what they thought of how I portrayed them through my words. Sometimes I saw tears of joy and sometimes I saw wide smiles, but I always saw and felt appreciation from the person(s) for eloquently sharing their story. It gave me a sense of pride and made me feel like I was giving back by sharing people's stories with their communities.
I think everyone has a desire to have their story heard. People want to feel understood and empathized with in this crazy fast-paced world. Even I, the writer who loves to share others stories, would like to share my story with the world someday. Maybe that is why I finally decided to start this blog. Lord knows I have been through more than I could have ever imagined. I've been in the lowest lows and I've been in some of the greatest highs of my life. But I know one thing for certain- each of these moments has ultimately led me to where I am today. And I am so utterly grateful for all that I have in my life. My family is my world. My husband is my rock. My step-daughter keeps me on my toes and my precious five month old son reminds me that each day is a new beginning from the moment he opens his eyes and smiles at me coyly. And I can't forget the friends who have stood by my side through thick and then- because we all need one or two friends who we know will always have our back, will never judge and will love you unconditionally.
Now while I have some wildly entertaining stories I could share with the world, I will save those for later. I am an introvert most of the time but if you ask me a question, I will always answer honestly and openly. So oddly enough, I am an open book but I don't always get to share the pages of my books. So hopefully I will get this opportunity here. If you stopped by to read my blog at all, I appreciate it! My hopes for this blog: to share my stories with the world so that they can better understand where I come from and why I am the way I am, to share precious moments I witness from my growing-like-a-weed son so that he can one day read about how much his mom loves him, and to perhaps make a difference in someone else's life by sharing my stories and making them realize that they are not alone. We all struggle....we all love....we all dream...the key to this is WE. Let's not forget that. We are all in this together.
Until next time....xoxo Mel
I think everyone has a desire to have their story heard. People want to feel understood and empathized with in this crazy fast-paced world. Even I, the writer who loves to share others stories, would like to share my story with the world someday. Maybe that is why I finally decided to start this blog. Lord knows I have been through more than I could have ever imagined. I've been in the lowest lows and I've been in some of the greatest highs of my life. But I know one thing for certain- each of these moments has ultimately led me to where I am today. And I am so utterly grateful for all that I have in my life. My family is my world. My husband is my rock. My step-daughter keeps me on my toes and my precious five month old son reminds me that each day is a new beginning from the moment he opens his eyes and smiles at me coyly. And I can't forget the friends who have stood by my side through thick and then- because we all need one or two friends who we know will always have our back, will never judge and will love you unconditionally.
Now while I have some wildly entertaining stories I could share with the world, I will save those for later. I am an introvert most of the time but if you ask me a question, I will always answer honestly and openly. So oddly enough, I am an open book but I don't always get to share the pages of my books. So hopefully I will get this opportunity here. If you stopped by to read my blog at all, I appreciate it! My hopes for this blog: to share my stories with the world so that they can better understand where I come from and why I am the way I am, to share precious moments I witness from my growing-like-a-weed son so that he can one day read about how much his mom loves him, and to perhaps make a difference in someone else's life by sharing my stories and making them realize that they are not alone. We all struggle....we all love....we all dream...the key to this is WE. Let's not forget that. We are all in this together.
Until next time....xoxo Mel
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