One thing I can say about addiction is, if you have never experienced it, you do not want to and if you have experienced it, you know it is a hell of a struggle to break free from its tight grasp. I know this all too well. I've witnessed addictions in others growing up. I never thought I would go through my own. But I sit here deciding to share some of my story with you in hopes that you will understand it is a disease and not a choice and it is a CONSTANT fight to not let the addiction win so that the REAL me (or you) can prevail.
I grew up with an alcoholic father, grandfather, and uncle....think it runs in my family much? HA! But I never thought it would be me with an addiction. I saw the relationships addiction destroyed and the pain it caused all those involved. I would say the only good thing about having migraines is that drinking has never really been my thing- or just not worth the repercussions. Socially drinking? At this day and age, I say forget it, because even if I have just one glass of wine, I am guaranteed a headache in the morning or in the middle of the night. Couple that with a 6 month old to take care of and you can just throw drinking out the window for me! But when I talk about addiction, I can THANKFULLY say I do not struggle with it today and have been sober from my drug of choice for over 7 years! Though sometimes it just feels like yesterday....
I never thought I would be one to fall for peer pressure. I have always been so fiercely independent, even to a fault. But when your heart aches inside and you feel a part of you is missing, then it becomes almost easier to say, oh who cares- let's try this and see how it makes me feel. Couldn't be much worse than the pain I carried around on a daily basis and wished to not feel, right? At least, that's what my brain would tell me. My struggle started my sophomore year of college. I started hanging out with some people who obviously did not have my best interests at heart. And in this group, I found a boyfriend who easily supplied me with my drug of choice. It happened so quickly...one day I was taking it for fun to party on the weekends, and the next, I couldn't go a day without having it and feeling that relief inside from my feelings and pain.
This story is so much longer than one blog....and it is one filled with sadness, ugliness and pain I caused myself and family during that time. So I will spare you all the terrible stories that took me so long to get over and forgive myself for (even though that's the juicy stuff right? LOL)....but this is why I wanted to share my story. Because in today's society, we are supposed to feel shame for our addiction and hide our stories in fear of being judged. Well, I am not hiding anymore and if you are truly interested in my story, I'd be happy to share it in person. I feel lucky that I escaped addiction and I thank GOD for my parents because without them, I might still be in that downward spiral, or worse, dead.
Remember this: as you see stories come out about celebrities or anyone ending up in jail, rehab or DEAD from addiction, please do not judge. You do not know what these people struggle with. You do not know how POWERFUL addiction is. That is why so many people who are addicted are in denial, because the addiction part of the brain convinces them that they are not addicted and as long as they only do it every now and then, it will be ok. But it is never ok...and every story I see in the news about another celebrity losing their battle with addiction makes my heart ache and I empathize with them so much. And I also think, SHIT, that COULD have been ME..... Not sure why I got a second chance (or third or fourth-ha!), but I sure as hell appreciate it and am trying to make the most of it!!!
I know I'm proof that a person can overcome addiction and still have a successful happy life, but don't ever forget that the struggle is REAL. I have had my weak moments over the years where I think that drug I used to depend on so much to get through the days would be pretty great right now. But then I remember that even when I don't like how I am feeling, I have to appreciate every emotion and know that life is a journey and it isn't all roses and sunshine. I can whole-heartedly say that I am happier than I have ever been and feel so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. So remember- don't judge others- you don't know their struggles. And if you don't have an addictive personality, then count your lucky stars because it is something so many people deal with but do not talk about. It's time we let go of the shame of our past mistakes. We are all human and we are all on this journey together. Thanks for reading some of my story....
xoxo Mel
