I've noticed something more and more lately. A shift in people's thoughts, opinions and needs. A shift that is GREAT and long overdue! Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who thinks a certain way...but then I am reminded through people's personal blogs or articles I read that there are other people out there just like me who are ready for a positive change in this world.
A world that is less judgmental. A world where we do not constantly compare ourselves to others. A world where we do not feel this need to be this PERFECT PERSON. I for one am thrilled with where this world is evolving into- I finally feel like I can be myself, mistakes and all! It is such a liberating feeling to be able to be myself and make no apologies for who I am. (I've apologized more in my life for being me than I ever realized.)
I know we hear it all the time: just be yourself. But I mean, WHO really follows this? I sure hope more people out there are truly being their authentic selves. It is when we are our authentic selves that people truly love us for who we are. It is when we share our mistakes, regrets, and shame that we really connect with others. For some reason, we have been taught to hide these things but what does that do for us? It causes extreme inner turmoil and pain because you are essentially hiding a part of what makes you who you are and what has shaped you. That is not being fair to yourself either. No one should have to hide their pain and struggles from the world.
Here are a few common statements people make that should be banned from our vocabulary.
*"Sorry, my house is a mess!" or "Please excuse the mess!" WHO REALLY CARES? If you go into someone's home and judge them by their mess, well , that's just ridiculous. We all have jobs, kids, errands, ailing family members or friends, etc., etc. so it makes ABSOLUTELY PERFECT FUCKING SENSE for your house to be a complete disarray! Stop apologizing for living life. :)
*Any statement where you are criticizing your body or looks. As Brandy says, we must stop the madness! (read her blog- it is freaking fantastic! http://icanthearmyselfdrink.com/2014/04/25/you-are-not-alone/) So we aren't perfect huh? Guess what?! No one is! Stop beating yourself up. Love all your imperfections because they make you who you are! I remember one day I was talking to my friend Keisha and I told her if I could change one thing I would get the bump taken out of my nose. She looked appalled- and then started crying! I thought, WTF? She told me not to do it and that she loved my nose! She was right.... I now love my nose because it makes me who I am. (Thanks Keisha! XO)
*Any statement that starts out with "I don't deserve this..." OR EVEN "I deserved the way they treated me." All I can say is are you kidding me? We have got to STOP being SO HARD on ourselves. Beating ourselves up in any kind of way has got to stop. If we weren't so hard on ourselves, maybe we wouldn't be so critical of others, you know? Food for thought...
I could go on, but I will stop for now. And hey, I still make these statements whether I like it or not. The difference for me now is AWARENESS. I am now aware of when I have negative self-talk or find myself judging someone or something. And then I can nip that shit in the bud! Eventually, with awareness, I will stop these thoughts completely. I can't wait for that day. Each day gets better and it can for you too. It all starts from within.
Until next time....XOXO Mel
Friday, April 25, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Mindfulness: Easier said than done!
In the past couple years, through therapy and many changes in my life (new home, marriage, baby, etc.) I have become more aware of how I treat people and how others treat me and how this affects everything in my life. I believe awareness is the hardest step in making changes for the better and breaking the bad cycles we have been taught by our parents and that our parents had taught to them.
Here is the definition of mindfulness: Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.
I try living my life now in the active state of mindfulness. This does not mean I do not still make mistakes along the way. What is does mean is that if I do make a mistake, I am now almost instantly aware of it and can correct any wrongdoing I might have created. (IE getting upset about things out of my control) Being mindful does not mean you have to be perfect. We are human- we make mistakes. The important thing is that we rectify our mistakes and let people know when we are sorry when we have hurt them. Sometimes apologies are not for the other person as much as they are for yourself so that you can both move on.
I've recently dealt with a lot of struggles in life: adjusting to being a mom (it's hard folks!!!), working on my finances to figure out how to afford daycare and budget better (this is so hard too!!!), working a job where I support two programs and trying to give both programs my all though I always feel I am jilting the other, dealing with my dad's health issues and working with my family to constantly support each other through these health struggles, dealing with migraines and daily headaches (this gets sooooo old!!!)....the list goes on and on.
And through all this, I have tried to stay so positive. But hey, I am human, I am weak and I struggle to stay positive at times too. Sometimes life wins and knocks me down. But a lot of times I win and I can be the change I need in life to be happier, healthier and more positive. I just have to practice being mindful which includes letting go of judgments and loving unconditionally.
So while I write this blog, it is almost therapeutic for me because it helps me realize that when I am feeling weak or hurting, it is because I am letting others actions make me feel that way. I have to stop this cycle and realize that the only person losing out in this situation is ME. I am learning to let go of control but at the same time, not let other's thoughts or views of me control how I feel about myself. I know we all have money/health/job problems we deal with day in and day out. We look to the person next to us and think they have it so easy and why can't our lives be more like that. But in reality, this person that you think has it so easy, is secretly battling their own struggles and demons. It's just that no one talks about it because no one wants to be perceived as weak or feel shame.
But I don't consider talking about problems as being weak..... I consider it to be so BRAVE. When we share our struggles, we relate to each other better. I wish you all mindfulness in this journey called life. Remember, treat others as you would like to be treated and love without conditions. We are all here on this journey together so let's help make it easier on each other instead of harder.
Until next time....xoxo Mel
Here is the definition of mindfulness: Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.
I try living my life now in the active state of mindfulness. This does not mean I do not still make mistakes along the way. What is does mean is that if I do make a mistake, I am now almost instantly aware of it and can correct any wrongdoing I might have created. (IE getting upset about things out of my control) Being mindful does not mean you have to be perfect. We are human- we make mistakes. The important thing is that we rectify our mistakes and let people know when we are sorry when we have hurt them. Sometimes apologies are not for the other person as much as they are for yourself so that you can both move on.
I've recently dealt with a lot of struggles in life: adjusting to being a mom (it's hard folks!!!), working on my finances to figure out how to afford daycare and budget better (this is so hard too!!!), working a job where I support two programs and trying to give both programs my all though I always feel I am jilting the other, dealing with my dad's health issues and working with my family to constantly support each other through these health struggles, dealing with migraines and daily headaches (this gets sooooo old!!!)....the list goes on and on.
And through all this, I have tried to stay so positive. But hey, I am human, I am weak and I struggle to stay positive at times too. Sometimes life wins and knocks me down. But a lot of times I win and I can be the change I need in life to be happier, healthier and more positive. I just have to practice being mindful which includes letting go of judgments and loving unconditionally.
So while I write this blog, it is almost therapeutic for me because it helps me realize that when I am feeling weak or hurting, it is because I am letting others actions make me feel that way. I have to stop this cycle and realize that the only person losing out in this situation is ME. I am learning to let go of control but at the same time, not let other's thoughts or views of me control how I feel about myself. I know we all have money/health/job problems we deal with day in and day out. We look to the person next to us and think they have it so easy and why can't our lives be more like that. But in reality, this person that you think has it so easy, is secretly battling their own struggles and demons. It's just that no one talks about it because no one wants to be perceived as weak or feel shame.
But I don't consider talking about problems as being weak..... I consider it to be so BRAVE. When we share our struggles, we relate to each other better. I wish you all mindfulness in this journey called life. Remember, treat others as you would like to be treated and love without conditions. We are all here on this journey together so let's help make it easier on each other instead of harder.
Until next time....xoxo Mel
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)